An Uplifting Murder Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Acknowledgements

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Epilogue

  Shopping Tips

  Teaser chapter

  Praise for the Josie Marcus, Mystery Shopper Series

  The Fashion Hound Murders

  “I’ve read most of Ms. Viets’s work. All of it is good, most of it excellent. This one is superb, maybe the best she’s written so far. My attention was caught from the first page and stayed caught the entire book. It is a wonderful cozy read. The characters are great, as are the relationships between the characters.”

  —Gumshoe

  “Elaine Viets does it again! . . . The Fashion Hound Murders is a hilarious story . . . [and] a fun-filled adventure. . . . Pick this book up if you are looking for a lighthearted read with great shopping tips!”

  —The Romance Readers Connection

  Murder with All the Trimmings

  “Viets milks much holiday humor in her novel, pulling out all the wonderfully garish stops.”

  —Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

  “Elaine Viets writes exciting amateur sleuth mysteries filled with believable characters; the recurring cast starting with Josie adds a sense of friendship that in turn embellishes the feeling of realism.”

  —Midwest Book Review

  “[A] wonderful holiday read... a book to be savored by a cozy fire with a good cup of hot chocolate.”

  —Gumshoe

  Accessory to Murder

  “Elaine Viets knows how to orchestrate a flawless mystery with just the right blend of humor, intrigue, and hot romance. If you are looking to complete your wardrobe for the fall, you just found the most essential piece.”

  —Fresh Fiction

  “The writing and plot are superb . . . no wasted words, scenes, or characters. Everything advances the plot, builds the characters, or keeps things moving. It’s what her many fans have learned to expect.”

  —Cozy Library

  “A funny, laugh-out-loud whodunit. Elaine Viets has created characters that you can identify with.... This is one book you don’t want to miss.”

  —The Romance Readers Connection

  High Heels Are Murder

  “Laugh-out-loud comedic murder mystery guaranteed to keep you entertained for any number of hours—the perfect read for a rainy day. . . . Shopping, St. Louis culinary treats, and mayhem abound, providing for a satisfying read.”

  —Front Street Reviews

  “High Heels Are Murder takes Josie into the wicked world of murder, mayhem, and toe-cleavage.... Viets spans the female psyche with panache and wit.”

  —South Florida Sun-Sentinel

  “Viets has written one of the funniest amateur sleuth mysteries to come along in ages. Her protagonist is a thoroughly likable person, a great mother, daughter, and friend.... The strength and the freshness of the tale lie in the characters.”

  —Midwest Book Review

  Dying in Style

  “Finally, a protagonist we can relate to.”

  —Riverfront Times (St. Louis, MO)

  “Laugh-out-loud humor adds to the brisk action.”

  —South Florida Sun-Sentinel

  “A fine, unique espionage, murder-in-the-mall thriller.”

  —The Best Reviews

  “I found myself rooting for Josie. . . . Oh, yes, a really interesting mystery plot along the way, too.”

  —Roundtable Reviews

  “A charming and sympathetic amateur sleuth.”

  —The Romance Readers Connection

  Praise for the Dead-End Job Mystery Series

  “Clever... [The] real satisfaction is in observing the club members at their worst.”

  —Marilyn Stasio, The New York Times Book Review

  “Wickedly funny.”

  —The Miami Herald

  “A stubborn and intelligent heroine, a wonderful South Florida setting, and a cast of more-or-less lethal bimbos . . . I loved this book.”

  —New York Times bestselling author Charlaine Harris

  “Hair-raising. . . Viets keeps the action popping until the cliff-hanger ending.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Hilarious.”

  —Kirkus Reviews

  “A fast-paced story and nonstop wisecracks. . . . Elaine Viets knows how to turn minimum wage into maximum hilarity.”

  —Nancy Martin, author of Our Lady of Immaculate Deception

  “Elaine Viets reaches the right equilibrium with well-placed humor and lively plotting.”

  —South Florida Sun-Sentinel

  “A quick summer read for fans of humorous mysteries with clever premises.”

  —Library Journal

  “Helen Hawthorne is one of my all-time favorite mystery characters—smart and funny with a huge heart.”

  —Cozy Library

  “Laugh-out-loud comedy with enough twists and turns to make it to the top of the mystery bestseller charts.”

  —Florida Today

  “Wit, murder, and sunshine . . . it must be Florida. I love this new series.”

  —Nancy Pickard, author of The Scent of Rain and Lightning

  “Fresh, funny, and fiendishly constructed.”

  —Parnell Hall, author of The Puzzle Lady crossword puzzle mysteries

  “Elaine Viets has come up with all the ingredients for an irresistible mystery: a heroine with a sense of humor and a gift for snappy dialogue, an atmospheric South Florida backdrop . . . and some really nasty crimes.”

  —Jane Heller, author of Some Nerve

  Also by Elaine Viets

  Josie Marcus, Mystery Shopper Series

  Dying in Style

  High Heels Are Murder

  Accessory to Murder

  Murder with All the Trimmings

  The Fashion Hound Murders

  Dead-End Job Mystery Series

  Shop till You Drop

  Murder Between the Covers

  Dying to Call You

  Just Murdered

  Murder Unleashed

  Murder with Reservations

  Clubbed to Death

  Killer Cuts

  Half-Price Homicide

  OBSIDIAN

  Published by New American Library, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

  Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of P
earson Penguin Canada Inc.)

  Penguin Books Ltd., 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  Penguin Ireland, 25 St. Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd.)

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  Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices:

  80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  First published by Obsidian, an imprint of New American Library,

  a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  First Printing, November 2010

  Copyright © Elaine Viets, 2010

  All rights reserved

  OBSIDIAN and logo are trademarks of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  eISBN : 978-1-101-44480-1

  Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

  PUBLISHER’S NOTE

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or their content.

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.

  http://us.penguingroup.com

  For my friends Karen, Biff and Cookie Grace.

  With thanks.

  Acknowledgments

  Lots of people helped me with this book. I hope I’ve remembered all of you.

  Special thanks to the helpful bra-fitters at the Intimacy store in Aventura, Florida, for their information and advice on lingerie. Susan Nethero’s Bra Talk (BelleBooks) was also useful.

  Rebecca Cohen and her mother, Golda Cohen, are St. Louis women. Like Rebecca in this novel, the real Rebecca loves art, theater, drawing and wants to be a writer. She is almost five years older than Amelia.

  Doris Ann Norris is not a police officer, but she is a guardian of knowledge—a librarian. Thank you, Doris Ann, for letting me borrow your name.

  Stuart Little is a real shih tzu. His owner, Bill Litchtenberger of Palm City, Florida, made a generous contribution to the Humane Society of the Treasure Coast fund-raiser auction to see Stuart’s name in this book. I’ve seen Stuart’s picture. He really is eleven pounds of personality.

  Failoni’s Restaurant, 6715 Manchester Avenue, is a St. Louis gem. Don’t miss a trip there, especially if Alex Junior is singing.

  Special thanks to Alan and Molly Portman, Jack Klobnak, Bob Levine, Janet Smith, Jennifer Snethen and Emma, my expert on nine-year-olds. In St. Louis, friendship is important. Sue Schlueter has been my friend since high school. Thank you, Valerie Cannata, Anne Watts and supersalesperson Carole Wantz, who could sell bus tickets at a NAS-CAR race.

  Thanks to Jinny Gender for her soap opera expertise, and to Kay Gordy for her help with Alyce’s son, two-year-old Justin.

  Special thanks to Detective R. C. White, Fort Lauderdale Police Department (retired), and to the law enforcement men and women who answered my questions on police procedure. Some police and medical sources have to remain nameless, but I’m grateful for their help. Any mistakes are mine.

  As always, thanks and love to my husband, Don Crinklaw, for his extraordinary help and patience. My agent, David Hendin, is still the best.

  To my editor, Sandra Harding, and her assistant, Elizabeth Bistrow, thank you. Your critique made this a better novel. I appreciate the efforts of the NAL copy editor and production staff and its hardworking publicists.

  Many booksellers help keep this series alive. I wish I had room to thank them all.

  Thanks to the librarians at the Broward County Library and the St. Louis Public Library, who researched my questions. Please support your local booksellers and your libraries. The Internet may be packed with information, but it takes a librarian to sort out the gold.

  Chapter 1

  “You want me to take off what for this assignment?” Josie Marcus asked. She stared right in the red, ratlike eyes of her boss, Harry the Horrible. They jumped like gigged frogs.

  “Uh, your top,” Harry said. The manager of Suttin Services was completely clothed, except for the little bulges of hairy fat that escaped through his gaping shirt.

  “Is that all?” Josie knew Harry wasn’t telling her everything. She had a ten-year-old daughter. Josie was an expert at ferreting out half-truths.

  Harry flinched. “And your bosom thingie,” he said. “Your bra.”

  “I’m supposed to strip naked for a mystery-shopping job?” Josie clenched her hands to keep from punching her flabby boss.

  Harry took one look at her eyes and grabbed the St. Louis phone book. He held it in front of him like a shield. Josie was only five foot six, but she was mad enough to deck the guy.